the Misadventures of Parisgirl and Jackboy - Episode I

written September 20, 2008

The Characters:
Our Heros ~
-Parisgirl - superhuman 3 year old able to climb on top of counters in a single bound, master strategist for The Evil Mama's demise, llikes to leave calling cards
-Jackboy - superhero in training, has mastered level one of toilet clogging

Our Villain ~
-The Evil Germ/Allergen Hating Mama - does not let the poor children in her realm waddle in germs and life-threatening allergens

Two days ago Parisgirl's plan was put in to action after the The Evil Mama "said" she did not have enough time to brush her hair and fingered through it instead. Parisgirl knew her hair was tangled and something must be done about it. On the way to bringing the other children of the realm to school Paris told Evil Mama she needed a haircut. Evil Mama let out cackle and said "You just had one!", when Parisgirl got home she knew what had to be done. She had Jackboy act hungry and tired so Evil Mama would be distracted. She very stealthily pretended to go to the bathroom, while climbing up the drawers to get on top of the counter, where she could open the top drawer with the scissors. Parisgirl cut out the tangles, put the scissors back in the drawer, climbed back down, got a hair clip out, and went to ask Evil Mama to put it in her fixed hair........Later, Evil Mama found Parisgirl's calling card, a pile of golden curls on the bathroom counter.

Today, Evil Mama walked into the bathroom in her bare feet and found the floor to be flooded. When she came to the toilet she found Parisgirl's calling card on top of the closed toiletbowl lid, a pair of very wet pink Hello Kitty socks, and an overturned plunger next to the toilet. After Evil Mama did her bidding of cleaning up the puddle of germs, the very next thing she found was a mountain of allergen filled crumbs all over the floor where Parisgirl was having a snack, as Evil Mama started cleaning that up, the last of the master plan was enacted. Jackboy took off his diaper (for the first time) and peed all over his toys, the mantle and the wood floor, then did a very proud naked victory lap. This was very close to Evil Mama's undoing, but much to Parisgirl and Jackboy's surprise, Evil Mama cleaned up again with a "ha ha ha ha."

But, this is not the end for our germ and chaos-making friends, right now Parisgirl has retreated to her basement playroom while Jackboy does some much needed reconnaissance in Evil Mama's arms, while sleeping and drinking a bottle. Tune in next time for more Misadventures of The Parisgirl and Jackboy!

Little Boys Are The Most Inefficient Creatures

% efficiency = useful energy / total energy used

My biggest pet-peeves are repetition and inefficiency, each creates the other and they equally bug me. Seven years ago when my career was in the work force I would read up on how to work efficiently and learned you should never touch a paper or email more than once. When I became a housewife I tried to apply this theory to my home. If I am going down the hall to do laundry, I take whatever needs to be put away in that direction of the house and put it away as I make my way to the wash room. This has always worked for me and I have been able to keep a neat home with little effort. That is, until I had a boy 15 months ago. My four daughters are all fairly neat themselves and never found much joy in pulling everything in their wake out of cupboards, off of shelves, or out of toilets. None of them seemed strong enough to remove obstacles in front of the game cabinet where small dice hide and minions of game cards abide. I was lulled into the belief that you don’t baby-proof your home, you home-proof your baby by consistency and an open eye. I realized yesterday as I had made my trip down the hall to the washroom putting things away and then cycling a load of laundry, that in that short time my son had removed everything I had just put away and decorated my home with it. I pondered for a moment if now was the time to finally buy all the baby-proofing gadgets for my cabinets and drawers. I calculated in my head the equation for efficiency. “I am going to probably spend around $100.00 on all the locks I would need, is that less than the energy I am spending picking all of this up 50 times a day? And what of the efficiency, as far as heating costs, having to close most of the doors on our main floor?” I then and there decided not to buy the gear, as I realized my son is now 15 months and I have about 3 more months until he is old enough to figure out how to undo the latches on the baby-proofing gadgets with the same extreme efficiency that he now figures out how to with brute, boyish force remove the obstacles I have placed around my home. Plus, he just has so much fun doing it.

So my new equation is:

Happy little boy = a messy house / $0 spent

Thankful by Retrospect - poems about Ellie

As I am beginning to reflect on all that I am thankful for this Thanksgiving, there is much for me to show gratitude to The Creator for. One of the biggest blessings is the health of my 6 year old daughter Elise this year. She has come so far from a little girl who used to have frequent pneumonia, seizures, and a laundry list of other serious symptoms due to her Mitochondrial disease. This year we are still dealing with her daily headaches, muscle pain, changing vision and moments of confusion, but I have to be thankful for that in retrospect. She is the most delightful, sweet little girl, I'm not sure what the future holds for her, but I'm enjoying and trying to remember to treasure the "right now". I thought of the following writings I took down about her 3 years ago, once reflecting on her and once after taking her to the ER after another episode of seizure activity. She looked like such an angel that night as she was wearing a very pretty white nightgown and had fallen in a deep sleep in the back of the car. I am thankful that this year I haven't had to feel this way, although it will never leave me.

Ellie
Let me tell you a story of a little girl who when she was conceived, God gave her an unexplainable happiness that touches everyone who is placed in her path.
Those eyes, they beckon you, and once you gaze into them you cannot look away, and when the smile comes you are lost and belong to her forever.
In her presence, she makes you feel good about yourself because you can see well in yourself for loving one so special without any effort.
Let me tell you about my Ellie.

The Journey of a Sick Child
She’s sleeping now, rock-a-bye.
She can’t feel the pain, or see me cry.
The ride must have lulled her to sleep.
This course I wish not to keep.

Her body is still. Her eyes are blind.
I have this route etched out in my mind.
If I don’t continue on, the tremors will return.
Why, God, must you be so stern?

Her vision in my rear-view mirror is a blur.
I must be composed for her.
I’ll park the car and wipe my eyes,
Open her door, and convince myself I’m being wise.

She’s dreaming in her white night gown,
While strangers begin holding her down.
Why wake such an angel with needles and lights,
While I stand by and say it’s all right?

Why does she have to know evil so young?
Why can’t enough comfort come from my tongue?
Why can’t I be the one who has this challenge to fight?
Why does this always happen at night?

She’s exhausted now, rock-a-bye.
Tears are pasted to her face from the cry.
The nurses and doctors keep her from sleep.
This course I wish not to keep.

Don't Be Afraid of Your Holiday Turkey

First Christmas Dinner 1996

My first year married I decided to roast my first turkey, I consulted Martha Stewart and got some idea of how to do it. Over the years I have picked up different methods to make it tasty and juicy. If you want to tackle the turkey this year, you can do it, it's easy, but it's going to take some tender loving care. For the next 12 hours the turkey is your baby. I like to cook mine the old fashioned way - slow. Of course you can use a roasting bag and speed up the process and apply the seasoning techniques I am about to share. I just prefer the slow cooked method.

The Turkey

- 12 hours before you want to serve your turkey, preheat oven to 225, clean turkey off really well inside and out (I'm assuming your turkey is thawed and de-gizzarded).

- butter your roasting pan and lid

- combine salt, chopped fresh Sage, Thyme and Rosemary

- butter and salt the outside of the turkey

- get your hands under the skin on the top of the turkey and separate it from the meat, try not to rip it (time to take your rings off, roll up your sleeves and get your hands dirty!)

-butter the turkey under the loosened skin

- put salt and chopped herbs under the skin

- wash your hands and arms like you're about to perform surgery!

- cut 4 or more X's in the meat of the turkey (2 on each side, evenly spread out)

- place garlic cloves in the cut slits and push them down in the hole

- put onion cut in half, 1-2 stalks of celery and 2 cloves of garlic in the turkey cavity

- cook at 225-250 for first 6 hours, then 325 last 6 hours with roasting pan lid on

- take lid off last half hour and turn up a little

- during cooking time baste frequently, every hour after the juices start running and every half hour to 15 minutes the last couple hours (pour juice coming out of turkey on turkey skin all over)

- especially baste the legs as they can cook quicker

- once cooked, let the turkey rest for a little while outside the oven with the cover on before you start carving, it helps the juices get back in, it will stay warm for a while

- I usually pour some turkey juice over the plated turkey also, you never know if the blessing-giver will be long winded and dry up the turkey

- the now pre-seasoned turkey juice is great to use instead of water for your boxed stuffing mix too

How to know it's done:

- if you were smart enough to get one with a pop up indicator that's a good way to know:)

- if you have a food thermometer, the packaging should tell you what temperature is cooked

- I look for clear running juice if I poke the poor turkey in the side, a nice brown color on the skin, and the legs falling off

Cold Hot Dogs by Paris (3 yrs old)

After being sent to bed, and a storm was starting up.....
Paris - Mom, I think you need to give me something to make me not be scared of the storm.
Me - What do you think I should give you?
Paris - Greem juice
Me - We don't have any green juice
Paris - Then you need to give me a cold hot dog
Me - Why a cold hot dog?
Paris - Because I have never been scared eating a cold hot dog.

The Little Things - In honor of my father's birthday

The Little Things

If you wonder what you’ve done, on this your 65th year,
It’s the little things, when added up, that do not seem so mere.
The little things that you have done like laughing away a tear,
Or “don’t worry I’m holding your bike back here”,
Then, “Oh, no, you’re not!", joy gives way from fear.
Little things like bumpy rides up, up, up the stair,
Then bedtime stories told, with a maiden fair.
Or “No you can not join us, your nightgown you must wear”,
Then “I’ve come to check on you, I have some steak to spare”.
Little things like listening doughnuts that made you well aware,
That where you were to leave me was a daily scare,
And a drop-off-kiss to remind I was loved while there.
So now my name has changed from Berg to LeClaire,
And the little things you gave, with my children we share.

By Rebecca Berg-LeClaire

Easy Cinnamon Rolls

Every Saturday morning the kids and I have cinnamon rolls. Having a little one I have very small windows of opportunity to cook, and most packaged cinnamon rolls take about an half an hour to cook after thawing. Here's what I do:

Crescent Cinnamon Rolls
- Take all the crescents out of a roll and lay them on a pan
- Butter all the crescents
- Sprinkle all the buttered crescents with cinnamon and sugar
- Roll the crescents up
- You will notice there is cinnamon and sugar on your pan, I like to pat the outside of the rolled up crescents in that, it makes the finished product extra yum!
- Cook cinnamon crescents at suggested temperature and time on package of crescents but watch them closely as the sugar may make them cook faster.
- Frost with either prepared frosting from the store or follow below, the easy recipe for frosting

Frosting
-8 oz of cream cheese softened
-3/4 to 1 cup of whip cream
- However much powdered sugar makes the right consistency to your liking:)
- Just whip it all together until it tastes right

The recipes I share are just things I have whipped up from an idea in my head, if I know of an original author of a recipe I will surely give that person credit.

Tis' the Season for Coughs

With all the allergies and asthma going around in our house, we seem to always go through a couple rounds of persistent coughing in all the kids. The only thing I have found that helps them get through the night is Vapor Rub and cups of water. I don't think cough medicine really works, at least not for my kids. If you're concerned about the medication in Vapor Rub absorbing in the skin, I put it on their pajamas at the neckline, just smelling the stuff seems to clear them up enough to breath. Then, we have them drink water every time they cough. You may be changing wet sheets for a week, but it's better than no sleep for them, because sleep will help them get better.

For a really bad cough we have found the following helps. Take the child in the bathroom and close the door, run a very hot shower for about 10 minutes to fill the room with steam, then take the child to your freezer and let them breathe in the cold air for a few minutes or as long as they can stand (going outside for a few minutes if it's not too cold works too). My daughter Elise used to get croop (or what we thought was croop until she had it over and over again). Her doctor suggested this method to help clear her airways and calm the cough. We have found this helps with not only the croup but stubborn coughs too. If your child is coughing so bad you need to do something drastic like this, they should definately see a doctor.

Of course follow your doctor's advise over mine, and follow your instincts when they tell you to take your child to see him or her.